Just me. (lara7) wrote,
Just me.
lara7

The Weezer joke

(an experiment to see if this is still funny when written, rather than told)

Way back in the summer of 1994, when I had just moved to the Bay Area, I went to see a band (I think it might have been Flop, but I can’t remember anymore) at the Bottom of the Hill. Weezer was to open. Since they’d only released their debut blue record a month or so before, I hadn’t heard them yet. I guess they were beginning to get “buzz”, though, and it seemed like a lot of people at the show were looking forward to hearing them.

So we arrived at the club, and there was a sign at the door that said “Weezer cancelled- It’s not our fault!”. In retrospect, my guess is that in between that show being booked and the day it was to happen, Weezer’s management had wisely seen that Weezer was about to be a Big Deal and yanked them from all opening dates to immediately book a headlining tour. So opening was left to Heavy into Jeff, a local power-pop band of no lasting import.

Pity the poor band that must step in suddenly for Weezer; whether they suck or not, the audience will be disappointed at the bait-and-switch. Even if HIJ had not been largely forgettable (which they were), replacing Weezer at the last minute is a thankless task.

HIJ were lightly heckled throughout their set. People kept yelling “Weezer!” in between songs, and the singer would calmly repeat, “No, we’re not Weezer. We are Heavy into Jeff.” This happened at least 3 times before the guitarist broke a string.

Being an opening band, they had to wait for the guitarist to change the string, as there was no other guitar to swap out instead. So to fill the awkward moment, the lead singer decided to tell a few jokes.

“Hey, what has two thumbs and likes blowjobs?”, he asked the crowd.

The correct punchline is to make two fists, extend your thumbs, and point at your chest. You may also say “This guy” if you feel it helps the joke.

But the poor HIJ frontman had barely uttered the end of the setup when a heckler yelled “Weezer!”, thus instantly creating what is still my favorite non-sequitur joke:

Q:“What has two thumbs and likes blowjobs?”
A: “Weezer!”.

If I was ever allowed to write blurbs for allmusic, “Has two thumbs and likes blowjobs” would be my capsule description of Weezer, though I suppose there are other bands that the phrase might actually describe accurately.

If someone ever attempts to tell you the “two thumbs” joke, please interrupt and supply the punchline “Weezer” instead. Even if you weren’t at the Heavy into Jeff show that night, I think the joke is much funnier with the new punchline.
Tags: music, theories of humor
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