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The Weezer joke [May. 10th, 2007|12:05 pm]
Just me.
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(an experiment to see if this is still funny when written, rather than told)

Way back in the summer of 1994, when I had just moved to the Bay Area, I went to see a band (I think it might have been Flop, but I can’t remember anymore) at the Bottom of the Hill. Weezer was to open. Since they’d only released their debut blue record a month or so before, I hadn’t heard them yet. I guess they were beginning to get “buzz”, though, and it seemed like a lot of people at the show were looking forward to hearing them.

So we arrived at the club, and there was a sign at the door that said “Weezer cancelled- It’s not our fault!”. In retrospect, my guess is that in between that show being booked and the day it was to happen, Weezer’s management had wisely seen that Weezer was about to be a Big Deal and yanked them from all opening dates to immediately book a headlining tour. So opening was left to Heavy into Jeff, a local power-pop band of no lasting import.

Pity the poor band that must step in suddenly for Weezer; whether they suck or not, the audience will be disappointed at the bait-and-switch. Even if HIJ had not been largely forgettable (which they were), replacing Weezer at the last minute is a thankless task.

HIJ were lightly heckled throughout their set. People kept yelling “Weezer!” in between songs, and the singer would calmly repeat, “No, we’re not Weezer. We are Heavy into Jeff.” This happened at least 3 times before the guitarist broke a string.

Being an opening band, they had to wait for the guitarist to change the string, as there was no other guitar to swap out instead. So to fill the awkward moment, the lead singer decided to tell a few jokes.

“Hey, what has two thumbs and likes blowjobs?”, he asked the crowd.

The correct punchline is to make two fists, extend your thumbs, and point at your chest. You may also say “This guy” if you feel it helps the joke.

But the poor HIJ frontman had barely uttered the end of the setup when a heckler yelled “Weezer!”, thus instantly creating what is still my favorite non-sequitur joke:

Q:“What has two thumbs and likes blowjobs?”
A: “Weezer!”.

If I was ever allowed to write blurbs for allmusic, “Has two thumbs and likes blowjobs” would be my capsule description of Weezer, though I suppose there are other bands that the phrase might actually describe accurately.

If someone ever attempts to tell you the “two thumbs” joke, please interrupt and supply the punchline “Weezer” instead. Even if you weren’t at the Heavy into Jeff show that night, I think the joke is much funnier with the new punchline.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: erikred
2007-05-10 03:11 pm (UTC)
Even funnier when written.
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[User Picture]From: erikred
2007-05-16 11:54 am (UTC)
Samantha Bee, in this week's This Week in God:

"Hey hey, what has two thumbs and is a sign of the apocalypse?"

Me, shouting at the TV: "Weezer!"
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[User Picture]From: lara7
2007-05-16 01:41 pm (UTC)

heh!

that must of been monday- I missed TDS on monday. but I was pleased to see the ottoman humpers last night.
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[User Picture]From: erikred
2007-05-16 01:44 pm (UTC)

Re: heh!

They're reading your LJ! Duck!
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[User Picture]From: jtemperance
2007-05-10 03:38 pm (UTC)
Ha ha, Heavy Into Jeff! I haven't seen that name mentioned in years and years.
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[User Picture]From: lara7
2007-05-10 04:39 pm (UTC)

they're in allmusic-

and apparently released two records in 95 and 96, though allmusic only seems to know about one of them.

I remember seeing their name a bunch, but this was the only time I ever saw them. they weren't terrible, but they weren't really good, either.
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[User Picture]From: dougo
2007-05-10 04:02 pm (UTC)
Hey, I was at that show! But I thought the replacement band was Four Point Star. I don't remember the headliner either.
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[User Picture]From: lara7
2007-05-10 04:41 pm (UTC)

it could have been both-

could have been 2 opening bands- I seem to remember BotH doing that a fair amount. But I'm certain that HiJ made the infamous Weezer blowjob joke.

did you remember this only when I told the story, or did it make an impression on you? Or you just remember being cheated out of seeing Weezer for $6?
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[User Picture]From: dougo
2007-05-10 05:22 pm (UTC)

Re: it could have been both-

Weezer cancelling the show made an impression on me because I had been curious to see them (after hearing "The Sweater Song" on Live 105), but I was there primarily for the other bands so I didn't feel cheated. I spent a lot of time at the Bottom of the Hill in those days, and yeah, there were many 3-band bills. (Here in Boston the norm is 4-band bills, and sometimes they even squeeze in 5 bands. It's been a long time since I've seen every band on a bill-- I either show up late or leave early.)

I remembered the various bands making jokes about Weezer onstage (mostly making fun of their funny-sounding name), but I didn't remember that specific joke being told that night, even after you brought it up. I have no memories of Heavy Into Jeff, but their name does sound familiar now that you mention it. I don't remember if we knew each other at the time; the only show I remember seeing with you was at the Thirsty Swede (or was it called Nightbreak at the time?) and I don't remember the bands. But I remember you knew some joke about Steve Albini and Pac-Man...?
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[User Picture]From: holyoutlaw
2007-05-10 09:19 pm (UTC)
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From: ex_agentcoo
2007-05-11 01:49 am (UTC)
I'm choking on my own spit right now! *cough* *cough* That's a great story. I'll never hear that joke the same way again.
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