March 22nd, 2005

pants

In another month, this story will be on Law and Order, with a more gruesome ending:

I am home sick today, which is why I am home to answer the knock on my door at 2:45pm.

Tooth-deficient man, straight out of central casting for the part of "sociopathic hillbilly" on my porch, another guy 20 feet away on sidewalk with lawnmower. Toothless points to the left and says "that lady down there said you might need your lawn mowed?". I politely declined and said I mowed my own lawn (which is true, and I just did it last week, though it grew a bit after the rain and could probably use it again in a few days), and they left, but what I wanted to say was:

"you know, usually I wouldn't do business with scary-looking itinerant lawnmowers, especially when I am home alone sick and there are 2 of you, 1 of me, and most of my neighbors are at work right now, but since my good friend and neighbor "that lady down there" who knows me so well (even though she apparently forgot I mow my own lawn) suggests that I contract your services, I shall."

As I was typing this, it occurred to me: Who would go door to door on any day other than Saturday or Sunday offering to mow lawns in a neighborhood where most people work during the day? Also, we had a bunch of rain saturday and sunday; anyone who's ever mowed wet grass knows it's hard to do, and often chokes the mower; not really the best time to drum up business. I got suspicious, but that may be just because I've seen "Deliverance" and mullets and bad teeth make me think "casing for burglary" rather than "entrepreneur with a lawnmower...and a vision".

So I called the police, who are sending a patrol car. We'll see if they find the guys, if they're legit, or if I'm over-reacting. Even if they are legit, their method (no one home; wet grass) is pretty dumb. Even if I didn't mow my own grass, I'd be pretty wary of opening the door to pay a stranger when I know neither of my immediate neighbors are home and could not hear my screams, which I can't make anyway, since I'm hoarse and coughing up yuck from my lungs.

edit: how about a poll?
pants

Police truck

re: my last update :


Poll #459546 the Lawnmower man

being suspicious about the lawnmower guys is:

justifiable- you were right to call the cops
16(76.2%)
over-reacting- it's doubtful they were burglars
4(19.0%)
evidence of your racist views on Hillbilly-Americans
1(4.8%)