February 15th, 2005


Bra Unhooking lessons with Dan Savage

I went to the annual Valentine's Day smash-up last night (my 3rd time attending. I did not bring anything to destroy), where you bring a memento of a failed relationship and Dan Savage destroys it with an axe, sledgehammer, shredder, fire, or blender while you tell the story of why this particular ex is horrible. For some reason, about 1/3 of the participants were lesbians. In the past, it's usually mostly straight men and women, then a few lesbians, and one or 2 gay guys (Dan says the reason so few gay guys participate is because they're never in a relationship long enough to collect any presents/mementos, ie, longer than a weekend. Dan is gay, so he's allowed to say that.).

When you walk on the stage, Dan often puts his arm around you, as this makes it easier for him to switch the microphone back and forth. If you are a girl, Dan will unhook your bra through your shirt as he does this. This is funny for many reasons: 1) the look on a girl's face when her bra gives way 2) the irony that a gay man can do this so speedily and stealthily 3) the fact that even after he's done this to 3 girls and explained to the girl and the audience that he's really good at unhooking bras, the 4th girl to have her bra unhooked is still surprised when it happens to her.

Dan says the secret of being good at unhooking bras is that you can only do it if you don't care what happens next. If you're anxious or expectant to see boobs after the bra is loosened, you will fail to be quick and smooth in the one-handed unhooking action, unlike Dan, who has no urges to grope women's tits. I'm pretty sure that (having no bratty siblings and seldom wearing a bra myself) no one has unhooked my bra as a prank since junior high. Perhaps stealth bra unhooking can be the next flash mob or cuddle party, or similar flash-in-the-pan social fad.

The most expensive thing destroyed this year was a $500 bottle of wine. The story about how the guy had a $500 of wine in the first place and his insistence on smashing it rather than drinking it (he had been the one to buy it in the first place) probably says a lot more about his mindset than it does the evils of the girl who dumped him.

At least 2 people met their horrible exes on match.com. I don't know why I thought that was so funny, but it was.