June 10th, 2002


An open letter to one of the insurers that wished to perform economic sodomy upon me

Dear Insurer:

I chuckled at the message you left on my machine today. Yes, when I was calling around, back in March, looking for rates that weren't in the 4 digits, you were cheap compared to Geico. However, on the papercut-to-Hitler scale that I must measure Evil things on, you were closer to the Hutu/Tutsi-Rwandan-genocide end of the Evil scale rather than the closest-grocery-doesn't-carry-my-favorite-softdrink end. Thus, being cheaper than Geico was no cause for celebration.

I did find a cheaper option with better coverage, which is why I never called you back. I'd figure you'd have guessed that. I have to question the logic in you calling me about my insurance needs -now-. I got a quote from you 11 weeks ago. In the unlikely event I'd remained uninsured all that time, would I really want to buy insurance from someone who takes 11 weeks to call me back to pester me into buying something? If you take that long when it's my money going into your pocket, how long would you take to get back to me if, lord forbid, I had a claim?

In short, before I just thought you were overpriced. Now I think you're massively incompetent as well. Your business model is second only to that of the Underpants Gnomes. I sincerely hope that those you insure are quicker on the uptake than you are. Especially should one of them hit me.