March 17th, 2002

pants

Review: Dracula Sucks

So last night I got to do something I'd always wanted to do: See an X-rated film (emphasis on film) in an actual theatre, the way nature intended. So I got to see one of those films from the so-called Golden Age of Porn, 1979's Dracula Sucks, aka Lust at First Bite. It starred people even I'd heard of: John Holmes, Jamie Gillis (as Dracula), John Leslie, Seka, and Serena.

simbuttercup has said of movies she's reviewed "Well, it was no Nude for Satan. Well, this definitely was a Nude for Satan. This retelling is set in the 1930's and features a Dracula with a full beard (ick) who doesn't have to bite people to make them all undead. He's just moved in next door to the sanitarium, run by John Leslie and his sister. There are all kinds of crazy inmates in the basement, including the Cowboy, Baby Jane and a guy dressed as Hitler (odd for a movie set in the 30's, but okay). John Holmes plays a doctor with a pinky ring.

Some amusing things about this film:
They apparently shot a soft-core version of this concurrently, and compiled the footage into 2 versions. This means that occasionally, real dialogue is dubbed over the sex scenes so that the length of the film stays at 80 minutes but the "plot" is advanced. So John Holmes is doing the nurse on pool table (all asylums have them, right?), and you hear their overdubbed voices saying "I don't like that Count next door" "Why not?" and so on, while they're getting it on. Quite comical.

Because of public domain issues, I guess, or maybe to set the period mood, most of the music is from the 1930's, including Raymond Scott's "in an 18th century drawing room" and Spike Jones' "Dance of the Hours". And if Spike doesn't get you the mood, I bet a piano singalong of "Swing Low, Sweet Chariot" (with cut-aways to a sex scene at the lines "tell them all I'm coming too") will turn you on, right?

Dracula (Jamie Gillis) has a full-beard. even by 70's standards, its a bushy beard. I don't like beards anyway, but it's all wrong for Dracula.

And something about this theatre:
Like many independent theatres, they hold a drawing from the numbered ticket stubs for prizes donated by local merchants. This week, the prizes were donated by Toys in Babeland . Two theatregoers (both there with a member of the opposite sex, incidentally) won shiny new vibrators.Maybe this is why Seattle has one of the highest movie attendance rates in the nation?

And mark your calendars; not only is the Grand Illusion showing "Deep throat" for 2 consecutive weekends in May, they're also showing the first puppet porno musical, Let My Puppets Come the weekends afterward on May 17,18, 24, & 25. Maybe I'll watch Peter Jackson's "Meet the Feebles" beforehand, for that total pervo puppet experience.