January 4th, 2002


Open Letter to Henry


There's no easy way to tell you this, but it's not working out, and I want you to move out.

First off, you're treating the other members of the household poorly. You may find it amusing to bite someone on the back of the neck and then swat them in the face daily, but I don't. The constant fighting and chasing each other is getting on my nerves. You've caused a lot of discord since you came along; the other girls are a lot more stressed and unpleasant to be around now because they're somewhat afraid of you.

You're a total slob. I was told having a male in the house would led to trouble, but I didn't realize that you can't even use the bathroom without making a mess of the floor. I'm cleaning up after you 2-3 times a day. No one else in the house seems to have this problem. Then there's the hair. It's all over the place; my food, my couch, the bed. I'm vaccuming the stairs three times a week. And don't get me started on the way you eat.

And then there's your behavior in bed. You don't even want to snuggle with me during this snowy winter; you just want the bed to yourself (quite unfair considering you sleep all damn day anyway). You sprawl over the covers, hogging half of my side, and then you get all grumpy when I move you so I can get some sleep. I realize having four of us in a Queen bed is a little cramped, but Won't and Shockie seem to be doing okay, and they're much more gracious about living together than you've ever been.

Shape up or you're going to the no-kill shelter. You may be beautiful, but if you can't live in this house with the other cats, I'm finding you a new home.