October 28th, 2001

pants

Public Service announcement

Saw my least favorite ex out at the Bindlestiff Family Circus gig on Friday, and he was wearing leather pants. Now, if you know me at all, you know one of my mantras is "pants are funny". these were no exception. as a public service, I will remind everyone of the rules for leather pants (for men only, different rules probably apply to women):

1) if you are not a junkie, or thin enough to be mistaken for a junkie, do not wear leather pants.
2) if you are over 30, do not wear leather pants. If you are over 35, ESPECIALLY do not wear leather pants. Only exception to this rule is Lux Interior (see rule #1).
3) if you wear horn rimmed or otherwise nerd-chic glasses, do not wear leather pants.
4) If you are boringly straight AND do not live in a large cosmopolitan city such as SF, LA, NYC, or DC, do not wear leather pants. (Boringly straight men in these cities may wear leather pants if they comply with conditions 1-3.)
5) rules 1-4 may be suspended if you have a motorcycle. If you have never ridden a motorcycle in your life, rules 1-4 count double.
5) rules 1-4 may be suspended if you are active in an S/M subculture, are dressed in an -obvious- halloween or theatrical costume, or are in a rock band performing that night.

otherwise, you are looking quite silly. Phibes, as the authority on all things Johnny, can I get a witness?

(more about the rest of the weekend later.)
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