August 6th, 2001


the Horse-Faced Whore resurfaces

well, I should have guessed I might run into her at the photo shoot tonight, but I really was NOT in the mood to see the HFW tonight. Being that I've been feeling down lately anyway, and this week is the 4-year anniversary of me moving to this fucking Cowtown, there's a certain irony in her appearing today: Why am I no longer friends with the person that was the reason for me moving here? Because not only could he not keep his dick in his pants while we were in a monogamous relationship, but he also didn't understand ideas like "contrition" or "humility" and kept on doing shit like flirting with the HFW at art events where she was naked except for body paint. I wanted and tried to forgive his numerous transgressions, but come on, if you're gonna ask for forgiveness, you have to at least -attempt- to change your ways, or at the very least, be less obvious about still having the hots for the women you're (supposedly) no longer fucking.

I shouldn't really blame her (although she's responsible as well) for the way things turned out, since he obviously found several others besides her to fuck behind my back, but that doesn't mean I like seeing her around. It just makes me hate this place even more, since I feel sick to my stomach whenever I see either of them out in public.

And lest you think my nickname for her is just my bitterness speaking, even -he- thought she had a horse-face, and that -is- how she makes her living. we can split hairs about whether dominatrixes are technically whores, but my feeling is, if your job description includes a part about men jerking off in your house or in your presence, that's prostitution. I guess I'm just old fashioned that way.

I know I should be over this by now, but I can't help but feel repulsed every time I glimpse one of them. Repulsed by her indifferent morals, repulsed by his lack of remorse for all the shit he put me through, and repulsed at myself for being stupid enough to not see him for the jerk he was in the first place.

I hate life right now. I can't leave this town soon enough.
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