|The first rule of Santa is, you do not talk about Santa!
||[Jul. 24th, 2003|12:47 am]
So Chuck Palahniuk, the author of "Fight Club" has a new (non-fiction) book out about wacky things in Portland (his hometown), in which he discusses (among other things) participating in a Portland Santa Rampage. Not only that, the main photo on the cover of the book is from said Santa Rampage. Was Chuck sharing Santa's secrets with the outside world? If so, Santa is not the type to quietly stand by and let that happen.
So Chuck had a reading in Seattle yesterday. Bet you don't see where this is going...
We had 8 Santas, which is decent for a short notice Tuesday event. After an hour of preparation (ie, heavy drinking), Santa was tipped off by an insider spy that The reading was winding down and the Q&A part was beginning. We hopped into Santa's Sleigh to make a grand entrance. There was still a line out the door, and a diminutive bookstore employee, totally unclear on the concept, told Santa "I'm sorry, you can't go in there, we're having a reading". Like, duh, why else would 8 drunken Santas be here? Santa rushed the door, stormed into the hot and crowded bookstore, and began yelling "The first rule of Santa is, You do not talk about Santa!!" to stunned onlookers.
Santa moved quickly, topping Chuck's head with a santa hat, giving him some cheap tequila in a miniature "airplane bottle" (quoth Chuck, "I think I just drank someone's urine" as his
face contorted in anguish), and giving him a pair of red pants to put on for Santa's amusement. As the transformation was complete, Santa chanted "One of Us!", and then Santa left as quickly as Santa had appeared.
It is unknown what Chuck said to the crowd after Santa left, or if the crowd thought it a publicity stunt that Chuck was in on. As Santa left, Santa got equal amounts of thumbs up and confused, pissy looks from the people waiting outside the bookstore, but maybe the latter is explained because Santa got to go in and they didn't.
And how did Chuck react to all of this?
Apparently, either someone tipped Chuck off, or he thought something like this just might happen on his book tour, because he was ready for Santa. He had a box of extra Santa hats under his table, and he gave out some
actual presents to Santa (two of them were rather nice vintage brooches, in boxes autographed "From Chuck Palahniuk". He even signed one Santa's VHS copy of "Fight Club" with the touching greeting "Fuck Santas!!. Santa was charmed by Chuck's willingness to play along with Santa's whims. Also, Santa always likes gifts of shiny jewelry, so Chuck has certainly passed Santa's "Naughty or Nice" test.
Santa fled to Ballard (seemed like a good idea at the time) for further merriment (ie, heavy drinking). At least 2 Santas elected to skip work the next day due to that lump of coal known as the Hangover.
More photos here: