Just me. (lara7) wrote,
Just me.

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the tale of No-shoes Patty

And now, a story from my college days:

There was a notorious woman at my college nicknamed "No-shoes Patty". She was tall, thin, and had those steel-grayish eyes that suggested sociopathy. She never wore shoes, ever, even when walking down punk-rock Chimes Street, which housed several bars, and was always peppered with shards of broken glass from smashed beer bottles and who knows what kind of pathogens from the gutterpunks pissing and puking in the alley. Clearly, anyone who would walk barefoot on Chimes was either insane, or a bad-ass. Patty may have been the former, but she was certainly the latter.

Patty's reputation was frightening. I only knew her as a friend of my friend Jennifer, but even I'd heard tales of how she had humiliated men who had crossed her. In some cases, "crossing" her was achieved by merely speaking to her. She had the reputation for being sexually outlandish, not only promiscuous, but just plain sick. The tales were so outlandish that they couldn't possibly be true, yet full of details that were almost too sick for anyone to come up with unaided.

Story one, told by Jennifer:
Jennifer and Patty are eating lunch. Apropos of nothing, Patty says, "Jennifer, don't ever get fucked in the ass. I got fucked in the ass last night, and I've been fartin' jizz all day."

(hey, I warned you!)

Story two:

cookalexv and I were talking to Jennifer about Patty, and asking if the stories we'd heard were true. Jennifer offered to ask Patty, as Patty loved to hear gossip about herself and would gladly correct incorrect details. The story Jennifer had Patty confirm or deny:

Patty was at a party, and some guy was hitting on her, which displeased her. He was obviously too vanilla for Patty's idea of fun, though he didn't think he was. She decided to toy with him by consenting to fool around with him. She took him outside, tied him to a tree, and anally violated him with an object (I can't remember what- Alex, do you recall?) while wearing an Uncle Fester mask. Then she went back inside to the party, leaving him tied to the tree, where he would no doubt have an interesting explanation for his condition when he was discovered.

Patty laughed and laughed when this story was relayed to her.

"No, no, it was nothing like that! I'm not the one who wears the Uncle Fester mask!"

She seemed grossed out by the thought of her being the one wearing the mask. Even in Patty's world, some things were just sick and wrong.

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