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The inherent inferiority of womanhood: - The inexplicable charisma of the rival [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Just me.

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The inherent inferiority of womanhood: [Aug. 8th, 2005|11:58 pm]
Just me.
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Since reaching adulthood, I have changed my car's oil, rewired a lamp, gone on a road trip alone, taken apart/fixed the lawnmower's air filter all by myself, bought a house with no assistance from my parents/a spouse, and countless other triumphs of the unmarried woman living without a man to do these things for her.

So why do I get so flummoxed when I unable to OPEN THE FUCKING TOMATO SAUCE JAR? Oh, my kingdom for a strong-handed man!

Note to self: stop buying spagetti sauce in faux-Mason jars, as they set the feminist movement back decades.

Yes, I did the hot water thing and the tapping the lid, and I was finally able to open it. And now my girlish hands hurt.

I swear, next first date I have, I'm bringing a stubborn jar along to test his fitness as a partner.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: li_kao
2005-08-09 07:08 am (UTC)
Save 'em up. I'll be there shortly to give the bidness.
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[User Picture]From: lara7
2005-08-09 07:10 am (UTC)

oooh!

Bow-chicka-bow-wow!

mmm, jar parno.
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[User Picture]From: lara7
2005-08-09 07:13 am (UTC)

Re: oooh!

parno? parno? clearly I need sleep.
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[User Picture]From: kamakhai
2005-08-09 07:17 am (UTC)
not to be overly pragmatic, but my (at one time) professional advice is to strike the rim of the lid with a decent amount of force on the countertop (or other hard surface), if necessary up to the point where you start to be concerned about breaking the jar (but obviously not over). the torque required to break the seal otherwise is such that strain will result, even with sufficient muscular strength.

--chef erik
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[User Picture]From: shoutingboy
2005-08-09 07:21 am (UTC)

In the words of DVDA...

Bed Bath & Beyond, fuck yeah!

I haven't tried it, but the brand is usually reliable.
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[User Picture]From: carapace_green
2005-08-09 07:37 am (UTC)
Sometimes, especially in weather like this, the problem is that your hand is too sweaty. If you put a piece of cling wrap over the jar lid, you can get a better grip.
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[User Picture]From: lara7
2005-08-09 07:42 am (UTC)

I'm sorry, did you say CLINGWRAP??

http://www.michaelkelly.fsnet.co.uk/karl.htm

worksafe. weird, but worksafe.

Sorry, but I never pass up an opportunity to share this link. :-)
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[User Picture]From: carapace_green
2005-08-09 08:19 am (UTC)

Re: I'm sorry, did you say CLINGWRAP??


I love that guy! I love that guy to itty-bitty plastic-wrapped pieces!
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[User Picture]From: haineux
2005-08-09 07:52 am (UTC)
I just want to point out that usually when a female person hands me a jar to open, they've already done a lot of the work of loosening it almost to the point of it opening.

That being said, there's two things men have that make them better jar-openers, in addition to a head start:

1) Bigger hands, on average. Yes, hand size varies widely, but I can certainly understand women who prefer men with big hands. That makes perfect sense.

2) Much lower concern with pain. Often, in the course of doing chores or household repairs, men will hurt themselves. Indeed, I pretty much always used to burn myself really good when, for instance, changing the oil on the car. (It changes better hot, you see.) Or I'd be changing a spark plug or something, and then go inside and have a beer, and have someone say, "sheesh, man, you're bleeding all over the place," and I'd notice it and go, "Oh, is that what that is?"

Sometimes when I open a jar, either my hand cramps, or I get a kind of indian-burn thing going from the texture of the lid bruising (for want of better word) my skin. It might last, oh, an hour or two. Point is, many men are stupid enough to do stuff like this even though they know it's going to hurt. They just don't care very much.

In addition to the jar opening tricks listen below, though, I'd always keep around a rubber jar opening disk, and, for the truly horrid jars, the special jar-gripping pliers my Mom has. The best picture on the web I can find on short notice is here:
http://www.emsdiasum.com/microscopy/products/safety/laboratory.aspx?mm=20

I wish I could find one now.

The thing has two teeth on either end. The teeth bite into the lid pretty hard, providing both good traction and, hopefully, enough deformation to break a vaccuum seal. I think these pliers can also crack a glass jar in half, which is a pretty good way of teaching it a lesson if it's really incorrigible.
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[User Picture]From: tinymammoth
2005-08-09 08:11 am (UTC)
THIS IS THE GREATEST THING EVER:
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/B00008GS9U/qid=1123574970/sr=8-1/ref=pd_bbs_1/102-0377888-2867347?v=glance&s=home-garden&n=507846

I was reluctant to admit I needed it, but it works so beautifully and is so worth the $30 and the counter space.

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[User Picture]From: holyoutlaw
2005-08-09 10:33 am (UTC)
Hold the jar low, close to your hips, and turn the lid from there. That position gives you much greater leverage.
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[User Picture]From: the_autoclave
2005-08-09 02:23 pm (UTC)
and much less control over the contents of the jar. heh.
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[User Picture]From: holyoutlaw
2005-08-09 04:33 pm (UTC)
It's never been a problem for me.
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(Deleted comment)
[User Picture]From: petdance
2005-08-09 12:34 pm (UTC)
Get one of those little 5-inch rubber circles that you put between your hand and the jar. You can buy one for a buck if you have to, if your local insurance agent or whoever doesn't give them out as promotional items.
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(Deleted comment)
[User Picture]From: repoman
2005-08-09 02:11 pm (UTC)
This should be a lesson not to get sauce in mason jars. In five minutes time you could have a sauce thats homemade, tastes better, and is better for you, thus cutting out a middle man.

this is just another way The Man tries to keep our sisters dependent and down...
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[User Picture]From: the_autoclave
2005-08-09 02:25 pm (UTC)

cool, how?

unless you pre-cooked it and re-heated in 5 mins, how can you get a 20 - 40 minute sauce in 5 mins? please share yr recipies. i'm serious. i can't make a tomato sauce i'm willing to eat in less than 20 mminutes, and i much prefer it to cook for more like 40. i NEVER buy sauce in jars.
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[User Picture]From: repoman
2005-08-09 02:37 pm (UTC)

Re: cool, how?

I take 2 cans of petite diced tomates and get them to a boil, and put in a tube of tomato paste and get back to a boil until required thickness.

It might be closer to ten minutes but as the sauce is boiling, I cut up and insert my garlic, cilantro, basil, and whatever else I can find. As for the meat and veggies, those I cook separate and pour at the very end.

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[User Picture]From: the_autoclave
2005-08-09 02:47 pm (UTC)

Re: cool, how?

ah. see, i don't like the taste of tomatoes that have only cooked for 10 mins, and i don't trust pre-diced ones because they use the less nice tomatoes that they can't leave whole.

i sautee minced union in olive oil, add grated garlic when the onion clarifies (diced carrots and celery at this point if you're into that sort of thing), oregano, thyme, rosemary, basil, salt, black pepper and then a can or two of whole, peeled tomatoes, chopped well (i pour off all the jjuice first), drop in a bay leaf, add wine if there's some handy and leave it alone while i wash dishes, make some sauteed mushrooms or whatever, boilthe water for the pasta, all of that stuff. sometimes i use parsely. it's funny, i use cilantro a lot, and i make blacck beans in a homemade tomato/cilantro sauce, but i never put it in just regular ol' tomato sauce. hmm.

concentrated paste in tubes is great. you reminded me i need to get some more.
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[User Picture]From: repoman
2005-08-09 02:50 pm (UTC)

Re: cool, how?

I'm there with you on the canned ones but Gold Label tomatoes is really the bomb for quality. It's pricey but I'm willing to spend the extra $.40 for a quick sauce...
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[User Picture]From: bosstweed
2005-08-09 02:56 pm (UTC)
An ex of mine had similar troubles, combined with being a user of hand lotions, skin cream, etc., etc., and so didn't want hand damage. She had a jar opener -- I forget now what kind -- that she referred to as her DNAMD: Don't Need A Man Device. I don't know whether she called it that before I arrived in her life or not, but I suspect the latter. She was rarely an openly hostile person, and it was with such tiny slings and arrows that our relationship battles were waged.
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[User Picture]From: lemur68
2005-08-09 11:45 pm (UTC)
her DNAMD: Don't Need A Man Device.

There are so many things this term could apply to.
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[User Picture]From: gryph
2005-08-09 06:10 pm (UTC)
All you need is a rubberband! The thicker the better, like a veggie rubberband. Wrap it around the lid, and turn. Easy smeasy. Usually free, and no man needed.
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