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Bowl-ing for porcupines - The inexplicable charisma of the rival [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Just me.

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Bowl-ing for porcupines [Sep. 10th, 2003|02:38 am]
Just me.
[mood |half-assed]

In one of those "more people are injured slicing bagels than Scuba diving" kinda things, I have been injured by..

a toilet seat.

The seat is likely old and fragile, and had occasion to crack after routine use last night. The crack was apparently deeper than you'd think from casually glancing at it. I saw the crack before I went to bed and used the toilet without incident or alarm.

Later, I woke up at 5am to pee, didn't turn the lights on, sat down, and subsequently woke Ivan and the cats with my screaming as the crack in the seat grabbed my thigh and pinched and for a moment, felt like it was not going to let go. The shock of the pain was quickly supplanted with the we'll laugh-about-this-one-day scenario of "How do I tell the emergency room doctor why I have a toilet seat clamped to my thigh?". I was able to free myself soon after. I bled mildly and have a laceration, but otherwise, no big deal.

However, this seems the perfect time to remind the uninitiated of P.J. O'Rourke's three rules of humor:

1) Toilets are funny.
2) Dead children are not funny.
3)...unless they were killed by a toilet.

be careful out there.
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Comments:
(Deleted comment)
[User Picture]From: the_autoclave
2003-09-10 05:29 pm (UTC)
ouchy mcpouchy
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[User Picture]From: the_autoclave
2003-09-10 05:30 pm (UTC)

and

i once was bitten by a dead alligator.
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[User Picture]From: lemur68
2003-09-10 09:10 pm (UTC)
There's this Rollins show that pops up on Comedy Central every so often; he mentions this guy who injured his penis by smashing it between the toilet seat and the bowl, and he spends a good ten minutes talking about kneeling in front of the toilet in his bathroom, trying to figure out how such an injury could occur, smashing his penis with the toilet seat over and over....
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[User Picture]From: kickmule
2003-09-29 11:17 am (UTC)
The wooden kind, three pieces stuck together with a tongue-in-groove joint (haw), have failed on me before, and in short order. I thought, "Gee, I'll pay top dollar for an oak toilet seat and never have to get another one again." A couple months later it was pinching my thigh the way a loutish diner pinches a saucy waitress, except the waitress is not sitting on the customer and defecating, usually.
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